Just done with a rectification training at work but the work wasn’t ready. It was a new mortgage project but FCA deadlines were so close meaning we had to be very prepared. (video) While waiting I read all the GQ magazines my colleague kept bringing in as well as my Elles and Marie Claires when I decided to find a book to enrich my mind. The last book I’d read was one on Feng Shui, it was about bed positioning and how that affects the energy in your room. I didn’t read it all because it got boring but went right back to Ed, same colleague and found this powerful book, right underneath the previous one. How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie. (click to buy)
Who should read this book one may ask? Everyone. This book tells you how to live effectively really. From personal relationships, family, work and as a leader – basically everything. How to reduce (avoid) arguments. How to make people like you, be open with you and help you achieve your goals without them knowing.
The author states 4 principles.. and breaks them done in 3, 6, 12 & 9 points respectively. While making his points, he tells real life stories to further elucidate how they worked. I’d share some of these stories on my channel (video out later this week).
Enjoy the main bits from the iBook below and try to imbibe them in your dealings with people.
PART ONE – TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE
– An animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior.
– By criticizing we do not make lasting changes rather incur resentment
– When darling with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotions, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and emotion
– “I will speak no ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody.” – Benjamin Franklin
– Any fool can criticize (and most fools do), but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.
– Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. “To know all is to forgive all.”
One summary:- Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. Story:- The Pilot and the guy who put the wrong fuel instead of gasoline
– “Everything you & I do springs from 2 motives. “The sex urge and the desire to be great” – Sigmund Freud
– Every man I meet is my superior is some way. In that, I learn of him. – Emerson
Two:- Give honest and sincere appreciation
Story:- Farm woman and hay
– Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire
– In Business, first arouse in the other person an eager want
Story :- The hall and the small boy
Three:- Arouse in the other person an eager want.
PART TWO – SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
– You can make more friends in 2 months by becoming interested in other people than you can in 2 years by trying to get other people interested in you
– People are not interested in you or me they are interested in themselves am – pm. When you look at a group photograph that you are in, whose picture do you look for first? 🤣
– “It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.” – Alder
– If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out to do things for people – things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.
– We are interested in others who are interested in us
Summary:- Become genuinely interested in other people.
– You don’t feel like smiling? Then what? 2 things.
Force yourself to smile
If alone, hum a tune or sing.
Act as if you’re already happy
– “Action seems to follow feeling, but really Action and feeling go together:- and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling which is not.” – William James
– Everybody in the works is seeking happiness and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts 💭. Happiness doesn’t not depend on outward conditions but on inner conditions.
It isn’t what, who or where you are but what you think about.
– There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so
– A man without a smiling face must not open a shop. – Chinese proverb
– Nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give.
– One of the simplest, most obvious and most important ways of gaining good will was by remembering names
Summary:- Remember a person’s name is to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
– There is no mystery about successful business intercourse.. Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking you is very important. Nothing else is as flattering as that.
– To be interesting, be interested.
Summary:- Be a good listener. Encourage people to talk about themselves
Summary:- Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
– Always make the other person feel important
– Talk to people about themselves and they would listen for hours.
Summary:- Make the other person feel important- and do it sincerely.
PART 3 – HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
– You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it you lose it, if you win it you lose it. Why?
The ‘loser’ will only resent tour triumph as you might have hurt their pride it make them feel inferior.
– “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
– If your argue and rankle and contradict, yiu May achieve a victory but it will be empty victory because you’d never get your opponents good will.
Tips:- Welcome the disagreement | Distrust your first instinctive impression | Control your temper | Listen first | Look for areas of agreement | Be honest | Promise to think over your opponent’s idea and study them carefully | Thank your opponent for their interest | Postpone actions to give you both time to think through the problem
Summary:- There is on my way under the high heaven to get the best of an argument – and that is to avoid it.
– If you are going to prove something, do it subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you’re doing it.
– Man must be taught as if you taught them not And things unknown proposes as things forgot.
– You cannot teach a man anything:- you can only help him find it within himself
– Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so
– One think I know and that is that I know nothing
– When we are wrong, we may admit it to ourselves. And if we are handles gently and tactfully, we may admit it to others and even take pride in our frankness & broad-mindedness.
Summary:- Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
– If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
– Let us sit down and take counsel together, if we differ from each other, understand why it is that we differ, just what the points at issue are.
– A drop of honey gathers more flies than a gallon of fall
Summary:- Begjn in a friendly way
– In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing – and emphasizing on the things in which you agree.
Summary:- Get the other person saying ‘yes’ ‘yes’ ‘yes’ immediately.
– Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
7/12 – How 2 Get Cooperation
– Let the other person feel like the idea is his or hers
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s POV
– Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
– A person usually has two reasons for doing things. One that sounds good and the real one
– When no information can be secured about a customer, the only sound basis will be to proceed is to assume that he/she is sincere or honest.
– Individuals who are inclined to chisel will in most cases react favorably if you make them feel that you consider them honest, upright and fair.
Summary:- Appeal to the nobler motives
– Dramatize your ideas
– The way to get things done is to stimulate competition. In a desire to excel kind of way
Story:- Day and Night Shift
Summary:- Throw down a challenge
PART 4 – BE A LEADER: HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENSE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT
1/9 – If you must find fault
– Begjn with praise and honey appreciation
2/9 – How to Criticize and Not be hated for it
– Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
3/9 – Talk about your own mistakes first before criticizing the other person
4/9 – No one likes to take orders
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
5/9 – Let the other person save face
– A few minutes thought, a considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person’s attitude, would go so far toward alleviating the sting!
6/9 – How To Spur People on to success
– Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.’
7/9 – Give a dog a good name
– If you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her respect and of you show that you respect that person for some kind of ability.
Summary:- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
8/9 – Make The Fault Seem Easy To Correct. Use encouragement.
9/9 – Making people glad to do what you want
When trying to change attitudes or behavior, An effective leader will:
• Be sincere
• Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do
• Be Empathetic
• Consider the benefits they’d get from doing what you suggest
• Make tour request in a form that it seems they’d personally benefit
Summary:- Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.